logs archiveBotHelp.net / Freenode / #1gam / 2015 / August / 13 / 2
Armen
the meds you're not taking, they do what running does
make your brain release happy chemicals
MrJones
except that running can often have less side effects, lol
Armen
and if you can get a hold of a decent bike, ride that too
MrJones
well unless your ankles are made of sh*t like mine :D
Llamageddon
The meds didn't make me even a tiny bit happy
All they did was make me less unhappy
Armen
I love just going out at 6am and riding my bike for 4 hours
Llamageddon
Which, ultimately, does not matter
booyaa
get a bike, big fan and vr set
Llamageddon
Because I don't feel better by being less unhappy
booyaa
and you can fly like et
MrJones
Llamageddon: how are you so terribly sure about that???
Llamageddon
Everything is the same blandness it has been for so long to me
MrJones: Experience
MrJones
if that's true, that is sad. but maybe you should just give it a more honest attempt
Armen
well the only way to improve things is by doing something about it
MrJones
you don't even need to be happy
just try going for a jog sometimes
and do it more often than once
if it doesn't work you can still stop it..
Armen
clears the mind, too
too much going on physically to be consumed by thoughts
MrJones
nobody is gonna blame you if it doesn't help you being happy, but it's worth a try no?
can only get better
CmdVolken
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0A3-wc0rpw
booyaa
things can only get better, can oOOonnnly get beeetter
MrJones
it's certainly not gonna make you *unhappier*
Llamageddon
Why am I supposed to want to jog?
Why am I supposed to want to be less unhappy?
MrJones
because science tells it works for a lot of people
Llamageddon
Why am I supposed to anything?
Science tells that exercise helps in light to moderate cases of depression
MrJones
because you would feel much better if you were *actually* happy
true, if you're that far down the road...
well nobody's saying it will fix everything. just that it's worth a try
Llamageddon
Nothing will fix anything
I spent years trying to make myself do anything for me
I went and talked to a dude and he gave me meds
And they helped but they were just a drop in an ocean of how much I would need to recover
No one is going to come and save me and I do not have the strength to do it myself
MrJones
well I don't know what to say at this point, if there was an easy way to do something about this... but there isn't
Llamageddon
I don't know either
I am addicted to the feelings of hopelessness and futility
And I either can't or don't want to stop them
MrJones
I just hope you don't give up. although I can't fault you if you do, I have never been in that situation
Llamageddon
Whichever the case, result is the same
MrJones
well just know it's the same to you maybe, in this situation, but not to other people
including most likely those who know you
and don't give up doctors entirely. they can be really useless, but there are some that know their business
Llamageddon
EhEh
I am just tired of my life being fu*ked up for so long and of being unhappy and suffering so much
MrJones
well then why not waste your time by going see someone about this some time. friend, doctor, ..
Llamageddon
MrJones: Going outside is too scary
And too much effort anyway
MrJones
then have them visit you
Llamageddon
No such options here
MrJones
ask the least annoying person you know who knows you a bit over, and talk to them a bit
Llamageddon
The free psych is open from like 7:00 to 11:00, and is busy 100% of that time with the overflowing patients
MrJones: I only have one acquaintance who would not be helpful here even a bit
MrJones
have you tried? please do
Llamageddon
No
MrJones
you're talking to me/us now about it, why not to them
Llamageddon
Because my cousin is an as****e to me on purpose all the time
He would more readily laugh at me and be mean than help
MrJones
someone else you know?
Llamageddon
My emotionally abusive father, my mom whom I asked for help few times and each she forgot, and that is it
Not counting my siblings
MrJones
hm so you're not really in contact with your siblings then I suppose?
Llamageddon
I live with family, but my siblings are eh
I guess let's say my relations with them are sh*t
I wanted to go to the doc today
Get more meds
But it's so hard
The longer I stay awake the worse I feel
And I stayed up in the night so I could go early but then I felt horrible and just went to sleep while hating myself instead
MrJones
Llamageddon: so where do you live anyway?
Llamageddon
A small village near a city called Radom in a country called Poland
booyaa
poland! fellow eu-ian :)
Llamageddon
I think most people here are from Europe
oddvar
llama: what do you enjoy?
making games? playing games?
Llamageddon
I used to enjoy those, but nowadays I do not enjoy anything
oddvar
:(
Llamageddon
The best that things ever are to me is a distraction from worse stuff
oddvar
like what?
Llamageddon
Like what's inside my head
oddvar
books? tv-shows?
Llamageddon
I never enjoyed tv shows, for the most part stopped enjoying books
Also stopped enjoying anime and manga
Stopped enjoying games too
Also coding and everything related
I don't think there's anything left
Armen
(Action) suddenly returns
Llamageddon
(Action) swallows Armen whole
Armen
oh dear
that's quite impressive
oddvar
(Action) found this site http://www.prescriptionpixel.com/
Llamageddon
I'll absorb your happiness and whatnot
oddvar
that suggests games can be good for you :)
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